Alfie Kohn's essay "Five Reasons to Stop Saying 'Good Job'"

This essay was a very interesting read. Since I have no children of my own--at least none that are human--I always find child rearing techniques to be completely foreign to me. While reading Alfie Kohn's essay I tried to imagine my personality and tried to come up with an idea of what would I do in this situation. My answer is simply, "I have no clue what I would do!" Good thing I don't have children to damage.

I would have never considered that saying "Good Job!" on a regular basis would have any ill effects on a child. I actually thought the opposite. I was under the impression that the more positive reinforcement you gave your child, the better. I mean, it's the kids that never got praised that turn into serial killers, right? Well maybe that is a little over simplifying things. I am sure there are children that never get praised and grow up in a toxic environment that turn out to be perfectly good adults. I am also sure that there is a sweet old lady somewhere who raised a boy in a loving environment that turned into a less than upstanding man. So with those perceptions, I guess it is possible that dishing out constant praise could cause problems in the emotional development of a child.

Kohn's point that constant praise can cause children to become praise junkies was such an eye opener for me. I have many small children in my family and it makes total sense that if they are overly praised for EVERY THING THEY DO it would prompt them to become addicted to the praise and being unable to function without it. This article convinces me on the point that without this constant praise, the child may grow up to be a mediocre adult and unable to function without constant praise. "Oh honey, what a GOOD JOB putting the toilet seat down after you pee" or "Good Job feeding the baby when she was hungry" are not things you should really have to say to your husband. I can see how if a man had been showered with constant praise as a child could grow up to be without the drive to do things just because they are the correct thing to do. Not just men. Women can also fall prey to this syndrome. Telling a little girl that she is pretty over and over could go beyond giving her confidence and create a conceited monster who has no sense of reality.

This essay was presented in Parents Magazine. That is a perfect place to present these views presenting a perfect kairos appeal. The author, Alfie Kohn is not only a writer, he is also an educator. Since he is in a position to see children every day and is able to observe the way that act, interact and respond to various stimuli as well as the absence of stimuli. These credentials make an effective ethos appeal. The manner in which this article presents the five reasons why to stop saying "Good Job" and the reasons supporting each reason make an impressive logos appeal.

Of course there are two sides to every story. No one knows for sure if saying "good job" excessively really harms a child. It can be argued that lack of recognition for accomplishments would negatively affect a child's sense of development.